My boys

In all my scrapbooks I have so many pictures of Josh and Michael. All of them are labeled the same way "my boys". I have treated both the same way...looking out for them, playing with them, watched them sleep, got excited just to be with them. For me and Josh, our cousin Michael has always been our little brother.
At the memorial Michael looked up at me his eyes were spilling over with tears and it was all I could do not to cry....Michael you are so special to me and Josh. You both are my little Buddah's I love you both so much!

Josh's guitar playing

I remember Josh sitting on the edge of the futon in our apartment in Colorado and playing his guitars. He loved when he figured out something new or had an idea for a song. It was fun to watch his tall body hunched over his guitars...he had a "baby guitar" he bought last year. It looked so tiny when he played it because of how tall he was.

I always hated it when the boys played guitar while I was watching tv...now I would give anything to have him here with me playing loudly while I watch tv.

I miss you Buddah...

Angela's big day...

Today is my little cousin, Angela's, homecoming dance...I went over and took her to her 3 1/2 hour hair appointment. It looked beautiful when the lady was done!! Half of her hair was up in a bunch of curls then it cascaded down and the rest was down in loose curls. We rushed back to the house where I then did her makeup with cream and purple on her eyes..with a very very light smokey look so Aunt Cathy wouldn't kill me. Angela kept moving and squirming...she even smudged the mascara but me and Angie fixed it. Finally I was done with her makeup. Angela got so excited looking in the mirror and said "I feel so pretty" She ran off leaving her dress here in my bathroom so I met Andy halfway and gave it to him to run to her. Hopefully she will make it on time!!

It made me miss high school...a little. But when I graduate college and have to chaperon high school dances I probably will not find that as thrilling.

Red Toes

This morning mom, mike, and I woke up and drove to Harrisonburg to do some running around. We went to grocery shop at Sharp Shoppers. Inside this store I found the most interesting foods..it is a store with discounted food. So there is a lot of food that is outdated, you have to check ALL dates, and it has a lot of food that is not name brand. Some of these unique foods i saw today included candy that is the consistency of gummy bears but is in the shape of a fried egg sunny side up....very cool. Cereal that is basically fruit loops but the box says "Freaky Fruits" and has little bears dancing all over the box. The very very best thing I saw was "Red Toe" drinks. Mike and I immediatly ran over to inspect the drink called Red Toe...mom walked on uninterested in our excitment.
The drink is actually a all natural fruit drink with vitamins and electrolytes. It is fat free, caffeine free, sodium free, preservitive free and no added sugar. Mike bought me 6 for $1...but my question remains...why would you call a healthy fruit drink Red Toe??

Empty

When Josh was in the hospital and then gone I received so many calls and texts. Now just a week later the house is empty of our family and I'm not getting those calls. My sister, Kristin, went back to South Carolina taking Mikey, my brother, for a visit. Now that they are gone the house is empty and it is lonely. I feel like I should be going back to normal...but I do not know how to begin. It is like breaking a vase and trying to glue it back...pieces are missing and it will never be the same.......

This picture was taken of my brother in Alaska when we were young....I love you Buddah

Sad day

Today is the saddest day of my life. I said good bye to my best friend and little (but taller than me) brother. Family came from all over to say goodbye and support my mom, mike and, I. My brother Mikey has helped me so much through all this...and has forced me to eat:-} My sister Kristen came up from South Carolina and has been my other support system. They have made me laugh and let me cry.
I do not know how i will get through this but i will....I love you Josh, you are a huge part of my life and with out you I am so so sad.