Merry Christmas

This was a very different christmas...at work I was showered with gifts from my sweet kendra, sara, ariel and brittany. They really made my day!!

Last night I made it out of work just in time to go to church with my family...it was a lot of singing. I was glad I went just because I was enveloped by my family. All my cousins my aunt and mom and mike and mikey and krissy. The Cupps took up half the church!!
At home afterwards Mom Mike Krissy Mikey and I all opened up gifts. All of us kids got matching gifts...we all got a book, shampoo and sweat pants

Today I have got to spend the day with my baby cousin Angela, her boyfriend Joe and my aunt Kathy.

I love my family and friends and am so glad i was able to be with them...

R.I.P. Matt Shobe

This past Friday my friend Matt Shobe died in a car accident. We will all miss you....
the holidays are hard but i cant imagine how hard it will be for your family.....

Birthday Partys

peanuts any one??

of course i will do anything for a dumb pic...

me and denise the birthday lady

kendra and me...aww dont we look like sisters?

December just way lightens my purse of money...not only do i always go crazy about presents for people but most of my friends birthdays are in December!!

Today Kendra and I took Denise out for her birthday. We had so much fun...we ate a ton.

Happy Birthday Neese!!!

Random Thoughts

My ADD is kicking in and I am having some trouble thinking straight. So this is just going to be me thinking on paper....
What if I had never left Colorado? Me and Josh could have found our own place...he was so torn between me and James. He told me the only reason he was staying was because they needed his share of the money. Aw Buddah was finally learning to pay rent and be responsiable. I was so proud of him.

Josh playing guitar over and over and over. I walked in from a double and I was so tired. I headed to the kitchen (my favorite place in our house). Josh grabbed me and made me dit on the couch. He played a song he had made up...I wish I could remember how it went.

You always hear of people who just "aren't right" or are not the same when the lose someone they are really close to...I think I am like that.

In school they always tell you choose your friends carefully. I always thought i didn't matter. I have always been attracted to people who are unhappy and need fixing. I love helping people Josh was very much the same way especially as he got older. Who knew being caring and being around your friends could change so many lives...
I keep thinking about jake. I am not angry at him at all. I have no hate towards him. I was friends with him...how ever every day I wonder what would have happened if Josh had chosen a better friend

Jake has a mom and a sister. I think of them everyday...

Josh i miss our deep and sparadic talks. I miss you passing out with your shoes on. I miss having to get up at 6 in the morning to wake you up because the alarm beside your head wouldn't wake you up but it always woke me up from the back of the house. I miss sitting with you outside while you smoked. I miss you smile...its the best one i have ever seen.
I love you

Rock music

I have been listening to Shine Down, Hell Yeah, Pantera, and Black Label Society the past few days. It throws me back to my old house in Manchester. Me and James were so happy. Josh was over all the time. Our nights were spent eating, and hanging out. My boys "jammin". They listened to Lynard Skynard and BLS and tried to play their songs....
We had so many fun times there...

In Colorado we spent so much time together. Crazy how in a few weeks everything changes.
I thought my life was going to be so different...
I miss my old life
I miss you Buddah

With out buddah

Everything is a memory...I went with my friend Kendra to run errands all day. We went to the car wash in Verona. I stared at the last spot of the drive through carwash and I was taken back to a late night during the summer last year. I picked up Josh from Food Lion where he worked at the time and we went to the car wash. I was feeling lazy so I put money in the drive through and it took it and asked for more money so I put in more and it asked for more. It was broke and I was so upset and strapped for money I stated crying...Josh immediatly looked for a solution. He found a number to call and I calmed down. I called and the man who ownde the carwash took my name and address and said he would send me the money. Me and Josh just chilled in the parking lot and talked for a while then I dropped him off at my moms.

I hate how everything in this world reminds me off my baby brother...
I miss you buddah...im so sad with out you

IHOP

IHOP...a few nights ago Sara and Patrick and I were just hanging out watching Friday the movie. We all were hungry and started talking about food. We decided we needed some of those awsome chocolate chip pancakes from IHOP. We all hopped in the car and headed to Charlottsville. I layed down in the backseat and fell asleep when I woke up we were almost to Lynchburg...I was like Sara where are we?? She turned around...we passed the exit again, we turned around a third time got the Charlottsville exit but got lost so we turned around again and finally found it. We were so excited!!
We grubbed down...I ate a ton. When we left to go to our car a cop came over to our window and knocked. He asked us if we had payed. I told him I had payed with a $50 bill. He shook his head and said "Im going to need you to come inside" I got out of the car slammed the door and started mouthing off. I could not believe my luck...I walked inside and he told me to stand at the cash registar. My waiter came up and said why did you bring her back in she payed and they left a good tip. The cop told me I was free to go...I was so mad. He had no reason to think i didn't pay. He just said we looked like we wouldnt pay.
Oh well at least the pancakes were yummy!!!!!!!!

Cloud 9

I read the book, Cloud Nine, while I was in Georgia. This book is like an exact parrallel of my life. It has Josh in it...the girl in the book is dealing with the death of her brother. I didn't know what the book was a bout when I picked it up and began reading it. When the boy in the book died in September just like Josh I put it down and said I would not read it any more. However I was drawn to it and read the whole thing in a day. It is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.

Back home

It is so good to be back home. I have always moved around so much and been used to change that I have never minded leaving home for a short time or for good. However when I went down to Georgia I could not wait to get home. I missed my family and friends so much. I was so excited to see mom Mike and Mikey last night when I got home...
I went to red lobster to see Sara and then when I got home Kelly Jo had fixed me and Doug an AWSOME meal.

Today Mikey and I watched a crazy good movie. It was called the Island. It has Scarlett Johansson in it who I love. I know it would have been a movie Josh would have liked.
I love having Mikey here at home...he is a great brother.

More pics...

Jimmy and Amber checking on the pigs

Ethan catching me

Jimmy catching a chicken..it was funny seeing him and ethan and the dog running after them

me and ethan up on the scafolding

Wendy and Amber I took this while looking down at them from the roof

Fam pics from thnx givin

Wendy and I giving our best kool aid smiles....
Jimmy Sunshine Wendy and Amber sprawled out after stuffing our faces

Me and Nan

Me and Pa

Me and Sunshine with her sexy new hair cut

A Southern Thanksgiving

On Friday Nan Pa and I loaded up 3 pumpkin Pies and headed off to Uncle Jimmy's.
We had an Awsome time...
The people there were: Nan, Pa, Jimmy, kelly, ethan, nathan, one crazy collie dog named shelby, wendy, kelly's parents, Tyler, Amber, sunshine, me and a bunch of crazy chickens.

It was so good just to be around everyone...we hung out all day. Ethan and I of course being the most lively...wresteled around and tried to push eachother off the porch. (i won that game) We went up on the roof to see what we could see...the mountains were beautiful from up there!

We ate and ate and ate....Jimmy broke out his guitar....we all sat on the porch...it was a great southern family thanksgiving.

No thanks Thanksgiving

Thursday I was with Nan and Pa. We ate an awsome meal of chicken spageti and asparagus. I was just really depressed that day because there was no Josh. It is like my mind has become obssessed...all my thoughts are of josh no matter what.
People have been asking me what are you thinking about liss? as I stare at the world in a blank stare thinking of Josh...I come back to reality long enough to smile say "nothing" and get lost in my thoughts of my brother once again...

Georgia

Nan and Pa came last Tuesday to come get me and take me with them to Georgia. I met them at moms house at 8am. I immmediatly crawled in the back seat and fell back asleep. They woke me up to eat at Dennys a couple hours later...then I woke up at 3 in the afternoon ate at Steak and Shake then fell back asleep.

As soon as I got to Nan and Pas memorys overwhelmed me like a tidal wave. Josh should be here with me...playing spinner dominos and hanging out. He should be watching Andy Griffth and The Beverly Hillbillies with me. I had no one to hang out with when Nan and Pa went to bed. The first 2days I could not help but be sad. Then when I started hanging out with every one the hurt subsided slightly.

One night I went out with my cousin Teresa. We went to Applebees and then went back to her house. On my brother Mikeys suggestion we watched Sweeny Todd. The movie was so awsome. It was dark and very shakespere-esk. I always have had a love for the dark dramas!!!

My cousin Wendy and I went out one day christmas shopping. We had so much fun. Wendy kept me laughing all day. A sales woman at the bath and body outlit was trying to sell her an item for a child and other "gifts". Wendy looked at her and said "no mam im just shopping for myself thank you" the lady laughed and laughed after she stared for a minute. All the places we went into Wendy did this to someone...she is so awsome.

Wed Nan and Pa took me to church and afterwards we decorated the church for christmas. Wendy Nan and I hung wreathes and set candles and put up garland. It was very fun...especially since the wreathes kept falling...the stickers wouldn't stick...the candles were to small for the holders ect...