Merry Christmas

This was a very different christmas...at work I was showered with gifts from my sweet kendra, sara, ariel and brittany. They really made my day!!

Last night I made it out of work just in time to go to church with my family...it was a lot of singing. I was glad I went just because I was enveloped by my family. All my cousins my aunt and mom and mike and mikey and krissy. The Cupps took up half the church!!
At home afterwards Mom Mike Krissy Mikey and I all opened up gifts. All of us kids got matching gifts...we all got a book, shampoo and sweat pants

Today I have got to spend the day with my baby cousin Angela, her boyfriend Joe and my aunt Kathy.

I love my family and friends and am so glad i was able to be with them...

R.I.P. Matt Shobe

This past Friday my friend Matt Shobe died in a car accident. We will all miss you....
the holidays are hard but i cant imagine how hard it will be for your family.....

Birthday Partys

peanuts any one??

of course i will do anything for a dumb pic...

me and denise the birthday lady

kendra and me...aww dont we look like sisters?

December just way lightens my purse of money...not only do i always go crazy about presents for people but most of my friends birthdays are in December!!

Today Kendra and I took Denise out for her birthday. We had so much fun...we ate a ton.

Happy Birthday Neese!!!

Random Thoughts

My ADD is kicking in and I am having some trouble thinking straight. So this is just going to be me thinking on paper....
What if I had never left Colorado? Me and Josh could have found our own place...he was so torn between me and James. He told me the only reason he was staying was because they needed his share of the money. Aw Buddah was finally learning to pay rent and be responsiable. I was so proud of him.

Josh playing guitar over and over and over. I walked in from a double and I was so tired. I headed to the kitchen (my favorite place in our house). Josh grabbed me and made me dit on the couch. He played a song he had made up...I wish I could remember how it went.

You always hear of people who just "aren't right" or are not the same when the lose someone they are really close to...I think I am like that.

In school they always tell you choose your friends carefully. I always thought i didn't matter. I have always been attracted to people who are unhappy and need fixing. I love helping people Josh was very much the same way especially as he got older. Who knew being caring and being around your friends could change so many lives...
I keep thinking about jake. I am not angry at him at all. I have no hate towards him. I was friends with him...how ever every day I wonder what would have happened if Josh had chosen a better friend

Jake has a mom and a sister. I think of them everyday...

Josh i miss our deep and sparadic talks. I miss you passing out with your shoes on. I miss having to get up at 6 in the morning to wake you up because the alarm beside your head wouldn't wake you up but it always woke me up from the back of the house. I miss sitting with you outside while you smoked. I miss you smile...its the best one i have ever seen.
I love you

Rock music

I have been listening to Shine Down, Hell Yeah, Pantera, and Black Label Society the past few days. It throws me back to my old house in Manchester. Me and James were so happy. Josh was over all the time. Our nights were spent eating, and hanging out. My boys "jammin". They listened to Lynard Skynard and BLS and tried to play their songs....
We had so many fun times there...

In Colorado we spent so much time together. Crazy how in a few weeks everything changes.
I thought my life was going to be so different...
I miss my old life
I miss you Buddah

With out buddah

Everything is a memory...I went with my friend Kendra to run errands all day. We went to the car wash in Verona. I stared at the last spot of the drive through carwash and I was taken back to a late night during the summer last year. I picked up Josh from Food Lion where he worked at the time and we went to the car wash. I was feeling lazy so I put money in the drive through and it took it and asked for more money so I put in more and it asked for more. It was broke and I was so upset and strapped for money I stated crying...Josh immediatly looked for a solution. He found a number to call and I calmed down. I called and the man who ownde the carwash took my name and address and said he would send me the money. Me and Josh just chilled in the parking lot and talked for a while then I dropped him off at my moms.

I hate how everything in this world reminds me off my baby brother...
I miss you buddah...im so sad with out you

IHOP

IHOP...a few nights ago Sara and Patrick and I were just hanging out watching Friday the movie. We all were hungry and started talking about food. We decided we needed some of those awsome chocolate chip pancakes from IHOP. We all hopped in the car and headed to Charlottsville. I layed down in the backseat and fell asleep when I woke up we were almost to Lynchburg...I was like Sara where are we?? She turned around...we passed the exit again, we turned around a third time got the Charlottsville exit but got lost so we turned around again and finally found it. We were so excited!!
We grubbed down...I ate a ton. When we left to go to our car a cop came over to our window and knocked. He asked us if we had payed. I told him I had payed with a $50 bill. He shook his head and said "Im going to need you to come inside" I got out of the car slammed the door and started mouthing off. I could not believe my luck...I walked inside and he told me to stand at the cash registar. My waiter came up and said why did you bring her back in she payed and they left a good tip. The cop told me I was free to go...I was so mad. He had no reason to think i didn't pay. He just said we looked like we wouldnt pay.
Oh well at least the pancakes were yummy!!!!!!!!

Cloud 9

I read the book, Cloud Nine, while I was in Georgia. This book is like an exact parrallel of my life. It has Josh in it...the girl in the book is dealing with the death of her brother. I didn't know what the book was a bout when I picked it up and began reading it. When the boy in the book died in September just like Josh I put it down and said I would not read it any more. However I was drawn to it and read the whole thing in a day. It is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.

Back home

It is so good to be back home. I have always moved around so much and been used to change that I have never minded leaving home for a short time or for good. However when I went down to Georgia I could not wait to get home. I missed my family and friends so much. I was so excited to see mom Mike and Mikey last night when I got home...
I went to red lobster to see Sara and then when I got home Kelly Jo had fixed me and Doug an AWSOME meal.

Today Mikey and I watched a crazy good movie. It was called the Island. It has Scarlett Johansson in it who I love. I know it would have been a movie Josh would have liked.
I love having Mikey here at home...he is a great brother.

More pics...

Jimmy and Amber checking on the pigs

Ethan catching me

Jimmy catching a chicken..it was funny seeing him and ethan and the dog running after them

me and ethan up on the scafolding

Wendy and Amber I took this while looking down at them from the roof

Fam pics from thnx givin

Wendy and I giving our best kool aid smiles....
Jimmy Sunshine Wendy and Amber sprawled out after stuffing our faces

Me and Nan

Me and Pa

Me and Sunshine with her sexy new hair cut

A Southern Thanksgiving

On Friday Nan Pa and I loaded up 3 pumpkin Pies and headed off to Uncle Jimmy's.
We had an Awsome time...
The people there were: Nan, Pa, Jimmy, kelly, ethan, nathan, one crazy collie dog named shelby, wendy, kelly's parents, Tyler, Amber, sunshine, me and a bunch of crazy chickens.

It was so good just to be around everyone...we hung out all day. Ethan and I of course being the most lively...wresteled around and tried to push eachother off the porch. (i won that game) We went up on the roof to see what we could see...the mountains were beautiful from up there!

We ate and ate and ate....Jimmy broke out his guitar....we all sat on the porch...it was a great southern family thanksgiving.

No thanks Thanksgiving

Thursday I was with Nan and Pa. We ate an awsome meal of chicken spageti and asparagus. I was just really depressed that day because there was no Josh. It is like my mind has become obssessed...all my thoughts are of josh no matter what.
People have been asking me what are you thinking about liss? as I stare at the world in a blank stare thinking of Josh...I come back to reality long enough to smile say "nothing" and get lost in my thoughts of my brother once again...

Georgia

Nan and Pa came last Tuesday to come get me and take me with them to Georgia. I met them at moms house at 8am. I immmediatly crawled in the back seat and fell back asleep. They woke me up to eat at Dennys a couple hours later...then I woke up at 3 in the afternoon ate at Steak and Shake then fell back asleep.

As soon as I got to Nan and Pas memorys overwhelmed me like a tidal wave. Josh should be here with me...playing spinner dominos and hanging out. He should be watching Andy Griffth and The Beverly Hillbillies with me. I had no one to hang out with when Nan and Pa went to bed. The first 2days I could not help but be sad. Then when I started hanging out with every one the hurt subsided slightly.

One night I went out with my cousin Teresa. We went to Applebees and then went back to her house. On my brother Mikeys suggestion we watched Sweeny Todd. The movie was so awsome. It was dark and very shakespere-esk. I always have had a love for the dark dramas!!!

My cousin Wendy and I went out one day christmas shopping. We had so much fun. Wendy kept me laughing all day. A sales woman at the bath and body outlit was trying to sell her an item for a child and other "gifts". Wendy looked at her and said "no mam im just shopping for myself thank you" the lady laughed and laughed after she stared for a minute. All the places we went into Wendy did this to someone...she is so awsome.

Wed Nan and Pa took me to church and afterwards we decorated the church for christmas. Wendy Nan and I hung wreathes and set candles and put up garland. It was very fun...especially since the wreathes kept falling...the stickers wouldn't stick...the candles were to small for the holders ect...

Family Time

Life has been crazy lately. My hours were majorly cut this week. I am pretty much only working nights. My days have been pretty busy catching up with friends or hanging out at moms.

Sara, patrick, and I hang out almost every night. We watch tv or just chill till 3 or 4 am then all crash. I have been getting up between 8-9am. Had a little scare this morning because sara went to the hospitol over some pain she was having in her back and side. When she went they told her it was a blod clot in her lung. I am really worried about her but she is at home resting right now and I will head over t0 check on her after work this evening...

My sister and brother came in town as well as my sisters boyfriend Nate. I have spent the day just hanging out with them and eating. I love it when they are home!!! Of course I love comin home to see my mom and my wonderful sweet step dad.

more dreads

another dread pic...

these girls are so pretty. i talked to a hairstylist and was doing a lil research on dreads. when and if i decided i didn't want them anymore i do not have to shave my head. i would have to soak my hair for hours in detangler, conditioner, ect and then cut it off short but not shave it.

Fallen Angel

Hey Josh...I saw this and my first thought was of you. Looks like the posters you had in your room at moms house. How ever has something I like as well...a peace symbol on her back. And her wings are exactly like mine. I am putting your name inbetween mine...figured you would love that since you are obssessed with tattoos. I love you more than you will ever know and i trully hate being with out you. I try hard to keep busy so I do not think but as soon as i slow down it is all about you buddy. I wrote a piece called fallen angel... I miss you!!!
Peace& all my love

Dreads

I am in love with dreads...I really want to make my hair look like this girls.

I love Rasta ideals and beliefs. I do not believe them all however they have the right concepts...everyone is equal...no racisim...peace...love everyone. If everyone thought like this the world would be a much better place.

Bob Marley thought he could cure hate and racisim just by being loving and spreading peace and love 2 everyone...I think I want to go on a trip to Africa and India.

Halloween Pics

Party all night long

When i finally got ready I went to the 1st party. I had so much fun! The house was decorated really neat...when I left there I went to Na Na's party. It was a good night but I was so tired. I was up at 5am went to bed at 3am and was up in 4 hours at 7 am for a wonderful meeting at the lobster...they always seem to give us meetings on the biggest party nights.

Preperation for the party's

The finished Paris Hilton product....

Me and Andy...he was dressed as a robber but the mask is missing

Angela and I

Notice the beautiful unique jewelry made for my night of Paris by my friend...

I was very excited about partying it up on Halloween...I start getting ready at mom's house. I jumped in the shower and start lathering up my hair really good. As soon as I put my head under the nozzle to rinse my hair of the soap the water just cuts off. I jump out and try to turn the faucet on in the sink...then when no water came out I rushed to Mike and Moms bathroom...no water. I called Aunt Kathy and asked to come over so I could finish getting ready. I was able to finish while hanging out with Angela. Angela was dressed up as a little kid and looked very cute.

Baby's mama

My friend Brittany is having a baby!! I am very excited. I took her shopping today and bought her the best shirt ever...it says "Im not fat I am knocked up". We had so much fun. She def made me feel like a fattie because I ate 2 meals at Chickfila and she only had one. Then we both ate ice cream then I wanted Chinese and she said that sounded good...finally someone who can keep up with my eating.
She bought a pair of Uggz. They looked really good on her...her foot is normally a size 7 but they have swelled up to a 10. I handed her the boots in size 10 after I had sat in the floor trying to shove it into an 8. She looked at me and shook her head...my feet will not fit in a 10 that is to big. I told her just to try them on...you can always put them back. We found a bench she tried them on and they fit!!
I tease her boyfriend, Andrew, and tell him that is my baby's mama and he better be nice to her. He just thinks I am crazy and shakes his head.
We had a lot of fun and will meet up later tonight to hang out but for now I have to run and get ready to be Paris.

Single life

Being single is way better than being with a boyfriend...I can talk to who ever I want. I can go out with my friends..I do not have to report to anyone when I will be home or what I am doing. I can have guyfriends. I can flirt...which I love. I can focus on my life not "us"

I was getting my car oil changed and the man said you must be single by choice bc you are beautiful. I just kind of laughed and said ya I am single by choice ( i also got a discount on my oil being changed!!) It kind of made me realize how much freedom I had lost when i was with my ex and now I can do so much more...
The best thing is I can talk to my friends who are girls and not get accused of being a lesbian!

Thoughts

Thinking way to much lately....
everything reminds me off josh..the most simple items or situations spin my head and make me think of buddah. I see a can of febreeze and it reminds me of the can of spray he bought to put in his and jakes bathroom bc he said Jake smelled bad. The pizza he bought from Pazzos and would only give me one piece even though he had ate half of mine a week before. The 15-20 books he bought at a book fair with Sam...I can look at anything and it reminds me of Josh. A baby at one of my tables was a big butter ball and so happy and sweet. He had blue eyes and blond hair like josh when he was little. The baby reached out and held my hand...I told him he looked like my brother when he was that age. The baby's mom asked me how old my brother was...what do I say? He should be 18...he would be 18 if he was alive...he is 18???
For josh's birthday I gave him 20 bucks bought him a new pillow gave him sheets and took him out to dinner. We had so much fun but he kept saying we had to get home so he could start partying...lol. I miss you buddy. You are still my best friend.

3 days..

3 days till halloween!!

I am so excited...3 days and I get to be Paris Hilton

In celebration of Halloween Doug and Kelly bought me a pumpkin that looked like a butt and we put underwear on it...haha

Missing you guys

Miss you Josh...I think of you all the time. You are still my best friend and I can not explain how much my life has changed with out you....

Cody work sucks with out your smiling face and dumb jokes. Every time I do something embarrassing I look around to see if you are shaking your head at me and laughing. I miss you...

The first picture is of Josh's buddah collection which I have in my room and it watches over my bed. The 2nd picture is of the memorial ribbons we wear at work in cody's honor...

Get Away

Sometimes a minie vacay is so what we need!! I have been working b.d.'s so much I feel like I live at work. I beg for hours and love b.d.'s but at the end of the week I am so tired and I have no patience for the sunday crowd. Today I worked a lunch and then I got off and Ariel and Jon and I went riding in Jon's red jeep. It is so pretty...he even washed the car crap off for us. Then we went to Taco Bell and had some grub. We all went to the bowling alley and with our mad skills the range of scores went from 42-72. We need a little more practice. We had so much fun and it was a much needed break from reality. I actually felt like I was young and having fun!!

Cody

Tonight at 7 pm my friends and I will be going to Cody's memorial. Tomorrow is his funeral. I can not go to the funeral...I am just not ready yet how ever I am going tonight. It is so strange we will all be standing around talking about our friend who just a few days ago was with us. Strange Cody, just 17 will be in a casket.

Work is terrible. Every one deals with death so differently. I do not want to talk about it. Some of the people go back and smoke in silence at the back of the restaurant. Some of the girls cluster around the drink station talking incessantly about how they can't believe it. Some of us talk quietly then change the subject. Some will not believe it or hear it.

I walk up to my table and the room spins. The 2 top I have is looking at me strangely. I can't remember I am supposed to great them and present our fish panel and then ask for a drink order. It should be second nature to me but instead all I can think of is Cody and Josh. Finally the girls say we want a coke and a sweet tea. I mumble an apology and hurry away to retrieve the drinks. The rest of the night I do not even remember..it is like my brain went on auto pilot. My body and mouth doing everything I was supposed to but I could not tell you a thing I did or said. I do know a table walked out on me but i was to out of it to say anything. I just paid for the food rather than getting a write up and kept on auto pilot. Life on auto-pilot is much easier...

Oscar is trying new things...

Tonight I was on the computer doing a little you tube stuff and I heard a wailing and screech from the basement. Mom was making terrible noises, wheezing and carrying on. I jumped up afraid she was hurt or upset. She met me at the top of the stairs and was holding Oscar. She set him down and I could not see anything funny. She continues cackling then I see a flash of lace. Oscar is wearing my underwear!!!! Omg...things never calm done around here

Keep Swimming

Today is so sad...i have not broken down yet but I know it will come.
Just like with Josh...when I have to go to work tomorrow it will hit me or maybe later than that.
Buddah had a tattoo across his shoulders and back and it said "God is in his heaven and all is right with the world" He loved this because it was paradox. It was completely not true but it is how it should be...
one of our friends,Sam, keeps telling me just keep swimming but how can you keep swimming when you are already drowning? Nothing makes sense any more....it just keeps going

Ice Box

There is a song which right now fits my life perfectly...
These words match how I feel...

I am trying but it is no use because
i got this ice box where my heart used to be
i am so cold ...i am so cold
i dont want to be stuck in this cold cold world

the other song that explains how i feel is:

I try so hard cant seem to get away from misery
i try so hard...it aint my fault cuz i try to get away but trouble always follows me
its like i am taking 5 steps forward and 10 steps back
trying to get a head of the game but i cant seem to get it on track
i keep running away from the ones that love me the most...
i am out here fighting demons
lord cant you help me
i cant keep inflicting all this pain on my family
...every day is a challenge

my life stays the same...i am trying but things just wont change
My friend died this morning...i will miss you Cody
I miss you Buddah
~Love you always~

Prop 2

I am not a big meat eater...I NEVER eat beef and when I choose to eat meat it is usually chicken strips. But from what I saw today is enough to make me really consider never eating meat again!
At Mike and mom's house our animals are taken care of extremely well.
Our cows have huge fields to roam and graze in. They are given hay and grain. Our cows are very tame because we are outside with them a lot and pet and talk to them.
Our chickens also run around the fields as they please...mom and mike gather their eggs but they are only locked up late at night and let out again early in the morning. This was started because my pretty white pet chicken Maggie was eaten by a fox so now to protect them we lock them up at night.
I love animals and expect people to care for them...how ever when we eat meat from the stores most of the time the meat comes from factory's full of abused animals.
The eggs you eat unless you get them from an independent farmer they come from the store. Their are chicken factories full of thousands of laying hens. They are in cages smaller than a standard sheet of paper. This means they can not even turn around. They may live this way up to a year before they are slaughtered. (Chickens if taken care of can lay till they are 4-5 years old...they do not lay an egg every day but still lay actively)
If you eat veal this is what happens....they take the baby cow away from its mother (when it should still be nursing) and chain it up in a cage that does not even have room for them to stretch their little legs. They may be chained up this way for up to 4 months before they are slaughtered.
What about that yummy ham you get? Pigs are not safe either they are kept in cages where they can not move at all this causes them to become neurotic...they chew the bars, swing their head, and make crying squeals because they are in such terrible conditions.
All of these animals when caged like this become weak and sick.
By saying all this I am not apposed to people eating meat. Any doctor will tell you it is necessary for a healthy life style to have proteins in your diet and meat is the best source. How ever we should treat the animals well. Every living thing deserves a good life even if that particular animals purpose is to feed us there is no reason to treat it cruelly. Also if they animals are fed right and get to move around and stretch they will be healthier and this will provide better quality of food for us. Plus it is not much more expensive to care for the animals.

In california they are trying to pass a law (prop 2 ) to save animals form these conditions....my first choice would be for everyone to buy eggs, and meat from a trusted farmer whom you know cares for his animals well, but if you have to buy meat and eggs from the store we should have the peace of mind that the animals are being taken care of, not tortured, and we are getting the bets quality of meat.
For more information on exactly how these animals are treated and more info on the bill they are trying to pass in cali go to....
YesonProp2.com

Zoo

Yesterday Kelly Jo, Doug, and I went for a little Minnie adventure to the Natural Bridge Zoo. We had so much fun.



This is me with baby camels. They were sweet and their lips were so soft!










The monkeys were so funny. The ones furthest left howled and screamed. You could hear them through out the whole zoo. The baby in the middle was my favorite. He was so cool. He kept crawling all over his mom and then jumping on the fence. I was so hypnotized by them because of their little thumbs, and facial expressions, they were so human like. One of the monkeys kept raising his little eyebrow at me!!
When Kelly Jo and I went to feed the miniature goats they stampeded and yelled at us for food. One fat one butted out the little ones to get to the food!

The giraffes were so neat. When I put my hand out flat to feed them they would wrap their tongue all the way around my hand and scrape the feed off. It was like having a wet vacuum on your hand...one of them drooled on Dougs head! It was sick...10 feet of drool hanging from the giraffe to Doug. Haha
I went in for a little kiss with the camel since I am single now. Haha